Unwanted Life

ahhhhhhh

2007-04-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

today is very damn tired. After school there was choir.Mr tey was really weird today he is very happy we all thought he took happy pills. WE all would laugh when ever he does something stupid when through all three songs including set piece and it was damn tiring. Baritones normally would be blame for stuff like some of our parts werent properly done.

After choir was circus arts...WAAAAAh after a few minutes of starting to paly the poi i was sweating already. The music was kinda nice the rountine was nicer and tiring as we need control the speed of the poi and slow it down following the music. Really i think i would have fainted if it went on.

booo

2007-04-07T06:34:00.000-07:00

hah been so long since i last post cause i dont know what to post lately.so today im gonna post something about the past few days and i think its gonna be short haha.lets star from last 2 week saturday where it happens to be tha happiest day of my life. Want to know why? i met someone.someone who actually agreeded to be mine forever. Ahhh life is so wonderful when you found that someone. i love that person and only that person. nothing can change how i feel except for him.

the day after was just any normal day with ane exception. I got to talk to him and chatted with him. And the day goes by like that. I think i never been happier than this. If i died i would die happy.

the following week monday that was school.....god school was boring and more boring than anything else. i dont know what else to describe school as. After school msg him and went off to somewhere i forgot where hehehe.

tuesday is another boring day in school hahaha. but after school was ok if some people wouldnt be so annoying. choir was fun in a way. but irritating in another way. hope things will improve in choir and hope that the sec 1 will mature faster....XD its hard for me to deal with them i dont like scolding anyone so please dont blame me if my juniors misbehave.

wednesday is tiring had P.E >.<......nuuuuuuuuuuuu hate P.E but i have to go for it no matter what in order to achieve my goal of loosing weight. WAAAA!!!!!!!! i feel fat and i am fat i think!
someone help me i need it.

thursday was boring haha i guess all days in school was boring.nothing much happened on thursday . on second thought actually something did happen i went to mrs lee house with ms sng and han wei....waited for the other senoirs and commitee members to come and we had pizza and nuggets and sausages. hahahah and went home late well at least that was enoying and he made me blush and laugh at mrs lee hosue infront of other people lolx...XD hope they dont suspect anything.

wells thats all nothing much happen after that.

sadden

2007-02-28T03:43:00.000-08:00

This is just isnt my day or year. I dont know why but today there was audition for choir if we passed we get to perform for SYF...and you can guess i didnt. i guess all those work i put into choir is not good enough for them. Maybe im just not focus...i dont know anymore.i guess once a failure is always a failure.i dont know what to do anymore i guess i'll be in self pity for the next few days. thats all for now dont feeling like talking much.

Band

2007-02-14T04:01:00.000-08:00

welll im here to advertise im looking for bands members well i now have 2 bands one band currently dead as no one is active anymore...XD and here i've been invited into a new band well im advertising for people who can play some stuff in a band like guitars and drums and others for the new band. our age ranges from 15-20 or so im told...so yeah very in experienced band but we try our best.

long since i posted

2007-02-10T02:12:00.000-08:00

its been long since i last posted in this blog....sorry for those who find entertainment in me by discriminatiing against and those who actually care...but i doubt theres anyone who really cares. anyways i have been busy lately with school and stuff....lots of time to go online but not much time for me to post and stuff. so sry ppl this is all i can post right now

temasek poly

2007-01-18T00:30:00.000-08:00

went to temasek poly today for SFL(sucess for living) .it was tiring and kinda boring but lots of pretty girls and cute guys. i like thier CMM and tourism course alot.ahh no fair TP no uniform and hair can be long...T_T.nothing much to talk about after that we walked around dont know where to go. i want take mass com.lolx got nothing more to say ...so sad...

thoughts

2007-01-11T04:32:00.000-08:00

this is gonna be a short post about those ppl we call friends. If you in a crisis or your just a little different from the rest and your friends are there with you no matter what then theya re your true friends. The if those "friends" who abandone you in your time of need or found out that your different like being gay or your IQ a little low then they arent really your friends they are just pretending so they can use you .

so when chooosing your friends or trusting someone choose them wisely.know them for real and then you can decide.for me i have lots of those types of "friends" those who found out im gay start ignoring me and stuff before they know they would talk to me...but i discovered something....people show thier true self when something like this happens and those who always stad by you no mattter what are really your friends not those ppl who just want to have lots of friends. well i got nothing mroe to say abt this ppl except you are nothing but beings that do not deserve to exist.you dont even deserve to be called humans animals are better than you

some guy

2007-01-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

anywayz here to blog again and ignore those people...XD...anywayz i like going to simei more often now especially eastpoint..XD...wish i still lived in simei so i can go to east point walk past winter time shop annd see if that guy is there..XD he works there the first time i saw him when i and joyce went there with her mom and sis to get some winter clotheswhen they were going for korea...XD..so yeah i was helping her pick out the right jacket...XD....then there was this guy there...XP he works there and he is cute! i would have stop catching glimpse of him everynow and then if he wasnt so cute...XD well he was always looking at our direction and i thought he was interested in joyce..XD but well i dont know him for sure but who knows?...XD

well every now and then after sch sometimes we would go to eastpoint and walk past that shop just to watch him...XP so yeah joyce is helping me!...XD...anywayz i got nothing to say but just this..i have a crush on him...XD....but too bad he is str8...maybe...XD

2007-01-04T07:31:00.000-08:00

haha look like i got hate taggies...XP...hmm...lets see...when they dont know im gay i wasnt disgusting....when i told them im gay they say im disgusting...lolx the natural homophobic ways of people.

i am who i am....i am still myself...i jsut like guys that all...im still the same person...so why must i be hated?....oh and michelle we all care?....really? cause the way i see it everyone goin agaisnt me...everyone hates me....everyone dispises me...i know i cant spell so pardon me.the new year is here so im gonna say something to the homophobes out there....

we may be gay...but we are still the same person inside that you all know....we may like men but we treat you the same...we treat you equally....so let me ask you this...why do we have to be treated differently from others jsut because we like the same gender.so if your a guy...then you watch lesbian porn its ok....but when it comes to gay you say its disgusting cause why?..its guys.....girl and girls together are ok but guys and guys together are not? theres no logic behind the way you people think.

we are all the same but different from eahc other in everyway.if you believe in god then let me say this. god created us...he created in his image but we have flaws...we are imperfect so us being gay to you will be our imperfection. but look at yourself are really that perfect that you can criticise and hate other people jsut of because who they are? to me everyones the same...we are all imperfect...so i dont treat anyone differently.if we are too live in peace one you have accept this things if you dont then there trouble more than you can hope for.

rain rain rain

2006-12-21T05:40:00.000-08:00

it has stop raining like forever..every day rain rain rain...XP...im always cold when i sleep.*sigh*. and now watch new floods and blackouts.how i wish i could control what i do to the world... i would make it a better place for ppl to live in.a place where no one have to fight to get what they want. wheater that doesnt kill ppl...XP..and maybe make everyone live closer to each other.

hmm i just have one wish for my christmas and birthday thats coming next..i want to visit Aki in hawaii. thats my only wish for now.i want to visit my seme and talk to him and look at him in the eye. he is special to me but its sadenning he lives so far away. we had a convo earlier on msn...XP

me:..aki...i have something to tell you....
aki:..uh what?
me: ILOVE YOU!!!!!..*glomps and laughs*
aki: i lovee you too...you find this funny?
me: no i jsut though i sounded guilty and depressed..XP
aki:.haha yeah scared me for a while there
me:.sorry
aki: but too bad we are so far away...its sad isnt it?ahh a sweet dream ...that wont come true T_T
me:*hugs*

yes it is very sad...T_T i want to see him eye to eye and hug him and kiss him and snuggle him. i really wish someone could grant me that wish one day.off for now...T_T

Changed

2006-12-15T01:49:00.000-08:00

i REalised something today while going out with my cousin.Lets start from the beginning...XP

so today i went out too meet my cousin to take some cigerettes after we we spilted cause she needed go buy books.So i went to the library to pass time.After that i went home to rest for a while but my cousin call and ask if wanted to meet again so i said yes cause there will be more cigerettes.So we met under my block and smoke when it started raining. When i look across the block i thought i saw my friend from primary school. but i didnt think he saw me cause he was in another block.

So when the rain stopped we walked to tampines mall.While walking we pass through the block i thought is aw my friend was in.When i look at the sitting area my its was comfirm he is my friend i waited for him so say hi or something while slowly walking but he looked at me looking slightly confused.so i just walked on his other friends were there so i dare not try start a convo.

then we saw him again after walking around tampines mall for a while he still look a little confused..XP and i figured out why. FINALLY! im so stupid...XPi look myself in the mirror and saw how much i have change on the outside i was skinnier in primary sch i was like a very fat pig...XP and my hair sucks last time so does my face...so basically im ugly. so i look back comparing me then to now. i really change alot not jsut outside but inside as well as in mentally.

i guess i should thank my secondary sch years for making who i am now..XPso that basically it I HAVE CHANGE. i wonder if my other primary school friends will recognise me...XP

sadden

2006-12-12T23:02:00.000-08:00

yesterday night i went out too meet gene and joyce. after finding gene had to go back to tampines lolx should have told earlier...XP...anywayz after that gene and joyce talked..gene asked me to go somewhere first so they could talk in private. i dont know what they were talkinga bt but i only got a bit. i guess im not much of a friend than a pest. after joyce went for tuition we went to buy cigerette and wen to a coffeshop. we sat there for dont know how long gene ate..while i smoke.

i couldnt really smoke properly i dont know why.junrong keep poping in my head everytime i try to smoke.its like he wont let me smoke without him around.why is he affecting me so much? why do i always feel this way when he isnt around? i dont know him that well. is god trying to make me suffer?

airport

2006-12-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

heyaz ...really tired today i wanted to post last night but my bro was using the comp so i didnt get the chance.welll before we went to the airport junrong me and my cousin met woooooooo he was alldress up he was looking good...XP...ahhh i could have jump him then and there...XP..anywayz we walked around and stuffwe hanged out for a while. then we went to the airport first but in the end we reached last....me and my cousin had to rush to terminal onejust so we wouldnt miss junrong...XP...junrong went with his parents

after we met me junrong my cousin and another johnathan or sumthing like that walked around we went to bengawan solo. then junrong had to go to the toilet..AGAIN!...XP its predictable...after that he ahd to go off....im so sad...T_T....before he left he hug all of us one by one,....im so happy i could have melted then and there but i ahd to control myself...so anywayz after that he checked in and keep turning back to wave goodbye...

i guess he didnt want to leave cause he kept turning bk...XD haha after we took MRT home then we all very damn tired...so we all went home johnathan gave my cousin a ride home on his bike.i went home and went str8 to slp...but i couldnt sleep. i couldnt stop thinking about junrong i dont know why.

2days ago..XP

2006-12-10T19:00:00.000-08:00

2 days ago my cousin asked me out we are really closed almost like brother and sister but too bad we are cousins.anyways she asked me out and she brought her friend along. His name was junrong XP he is so cute! yeah then we went to roxy square and katong to look at betta fishy! Junrong was an expert to say the least he knows alot about these type of fishes and stuff. The fishy was cool ...XD wooooooooooo then we walked around we smoked and stuff!

yay i have a cousin who smoke...XP.... one thing funny about them is that....they also go to the toilet to pee....XD...its like every 1 hour or so they will pee....XD after looking at the fishes and after they peeed finish at pasir ris MRT we went to the Tamp IKEA the new one. we walked around and had alot of fun took alot of pics but i still dont have them yet...=/....we went into the tub and took pictures we went into the shower...the bedroom....the toilet....XP We are too hyper and crazy on that day...XD not bad for the first time we met. After finish IKEA we went out met a lady who was smoking so my cousin asked for one cigerette and Junrong Asked for one and they lady give me one....XP im special.

after that we went to long john silvers to eat and we went home. that day was a lot of fun!moving on to yesterday!

yesetday was even more fun...XP we went outagain jsut the 3 of us we went to....blk 822 i think and look at more betta fishy!!!!XD me and my cousin got really interested in it.XP so we looked at the fishes they had really nice colours on them. i like the royal blue and red ones they were nice. after looking at fishy they had to pee again...XD we raced to the nearest toilet but it was occupied by someone and raced to the toilet at macdonald at the CC.but we arrived at the same time. i was wondering why do they always need to pee....WEAK BLADDER>>>XP im joking you guys...XD

after that we went to bishan to morris house one of Junrong fishy loving friends. we got free fish there!...i took a dark red one home and put it in my room...YAY! we hang out there for a while and talked alot about fishys! they are cool! after that my cousin had to rush home her parents are like joyce parents theya re too controlling...=/ but be4 we went home we went to Junrongs house first....MY DREAMS CAME TRUE!!!! if only i could sleep in his bed....XP im to perveted...AH!!!!!!!!....anyways he gave us free fish food yay!...im lazy to buy them...>.<...anywayz after that we went home i wished i could stay longer though...XP

i went put my fish in a tank and then talked to my cousin on the phone and we conference with Junrong we talk and talk then Junrong went off cause he wanted to play the comp. My cousin and i keep talking until 12+++++++ am...XP both our parents were mad. then we put down the phone and she went to sleep i think but i couldnt cause Junrong will in korea for 8 days today....>.<...im gonna miss him even though i met him for only 2 days its like we can really relate to each other alot. its like we met long time ago...but too bad he going to korea...i want go too!!!!!!!!!...T_T stupid parents are too stingy! my parents that is.welll thats all for now i'll update later when i return from sending Junrong to the air port today!....YAY bye bye~!!!!

boredom post...XD

2006-12-05T05:56:00.002-08:00

this is the second post of the day...XD im bored a hell ym fav person is gone wish i could meet him but he lives in australia...T_T...XD...anywayz bored as hell with nth to do but watch music vids...XD oh yeah DBSK is so cool!!!! i like thier song and thier dance moves!
well i gues this is it...XD oh yeah visit this link for a funny video about girls having a gay bf...XD
http://youtube.com/watch?v=aCp8Kc7NOPI

and this vid for DBSK vid of rising sun
http://www.youtube.com/v/NdQKlrAv2OU

boredom makes me think.

2006-12-05T01:37:00.000-08:00

Today was a very boring day for me.And now after typing the first sentence my fav person in the world came on msn and talke dto me YAY!!!!...^o^.now im no longer bored but i shall still typed. During the times that i was bored i did alot of stuff and thought a lot.

1st stuff i thought about today was.....is this going to change or am i gonna be bored for ther est of my life? I am always doing the same stuff over and over and over and over and over again...sitting here infront of this stupid comp staringa t the screen. I just hope my life would change soon i want to find someone to love truely like gene and joyce are. i wish i was in thier shoes. thats was the 2nd thought.LOVE. ppl say im too young and immature but what do they know when they dont know me really well?

When it comes to love i can be as mature as a 30 yr old guy. i know what love is i know how to really love someone. i guess ppl are just to dense to see that in me. i wish i could jsut dissapear from this place and never exist in this world.i guess that would make it better for everyone.

hmmm i guess i need a penknife now...=/....i been wanting one since the holidays . i keep forgetting to buy one. hmm maybe tomorrow? yay then i can use it to cut my arm again...XD...it looks nice with the scars and all but now its almsot gone...>.< well bye bye for now

tired

2006-12-03T05:47:00.000-08:00

today went to causeway point again but with my parents. bought some clothes then i smsed teo but he didnt reply quick enough..XD when i received his sms i got at when i was away from woodlands...XD....so yeah he said he was slping so i decided not to bug him and let him sleep. the rest of the day went as boring as it can be...XD....my parents were far away and i went somewhere to smoke secretly...XD...i bought my own cigarettes and i share them with my cousin...XD...i need buy somemore new ones im running out...:S after that went home alone and smoked again...XD...im hyper afterwards...XD...and after that i have nth to say cause im depressed thanks to a certain ppl ending my friends relationship together.....they were so cute together and so sweet thier relationship should have last i hate them!!! i have many reasons too....

ahh its so sad i hope they would both be ok and maybe patch things back up together again.

HERES TO BOTH OF YOU I REGARD YOU BOTH AS GOOD FRIENDS I'LL STAY BY BOTH OF YOUR DECISION ON WHAT TO DO. I'LL HELP AS MUCH AS I CAN.

Smexy cute person!

2006-12-01T08:18:00.000-08:00

yay 2 post in one day haha...XD...so today was the day i colect my contact lenses...woooooo i wore them esily at first and gene sucks keep taking pictures!...XD...then we went and ride a bus to woodlands...BLAME GENE FOR COMING LATE!!! >.<....we were meeting my friend there haha he brought his friends along too. i was so shy!!!!!!!!! SHY!!!!!!!!!!!>.<....

thats what happen to me when i meet ppl for the first time...XD....gene has no face and just talks to them..ehehe sry i was joking...XD... MY friend was ...i cannot imagine too good looking..*drool*....he is so cwute too!...i love his pirecings...XD we walked around they smoked then went to causeway point....XD walk around window shopping....

my friend who i now call Teo has 2 girls along with him...XD...they went looking for BRA'S...XD...and his other friend guy whose good looking as well along with the 2 of us had to wait outside...gene went home so early...T_T....ahhh well...hope we can meet again next time and maybe i will talk mroe and have more fun?...end of post i was happy today at least...XD
except the part where i keep thinking about my Ex-bf...XD i dont care anymore whoever reads this knows im gay!....woooooooooooooooooooo....@_@...tired i go sleep now.....bye bye

contacts!!

2006-12-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

woooooooooo..thursday is the day i made contacts...XD....went with gene then wei jie was waiting at the place gene didnt know where it is...XD....i made greyish type of colour and its monthly contacts...XD...woooooooooooooooooooooo.....i lvoe contact lenses then it rained heavily....@_@....so we went to wei jie house so he could get some money to buy cigarettes...XD...i wanted get wet but didnt get that wet ...WEI JIE SCARED OF RAIN!!!!!!!...XD then after we reached interchange we went our seperate ways...XD

did i tell you wei jie is scared of rain?...XD sorry wei jie

Escape theme Park

2006-11-29T06:56:00.000-08:00

monday was the day we went out to go to wild wild wet but after much persuasion we went to escape theme park...i didnt want to get severely wet...>.< ...well b4 we went to escape theme park li xin and gene ate some rice i just drank didn really feel like eatin the past few days.so after that we went to the da beach took a fe pics of them and walk further into the "forest"...XD... they wanted some alone time so i went off walking wandering somewherewhile it was raining and eventually i was soak...so much for my wish of not getting wet...XD well at least it was rain.. i love the rain because no onw will know if im crying or not....

while walking i was thinking. My head was spinning with memories from ym sad depressing past. How all my ex's were thinking about themself and not me. i felt like crying but i didnt.i guess my tears production factory had been shut down and i could never cry again...i jsut walked on looking at the ground watch as those memories flashed in my head i was jsut glad the rain was there...it was cold but warming in some sense. thats all for my late rambling abt monday...XD...there willb e mroe soon for thursday friday and saturday

Sleepy...>.<

2006-11-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

Today was the day that i could have died but lucky i still have some money left...xD.Went out in the morning to get concent form for project teach to reach wah wei siang call me when i was sleeping...XD...showered and went to meet him/them. When i reached Macdonald is aw Wei Siang. Ben.Ethen and Edward. I took the consent form and stayed with them for a while Ethen and Wei siang played Yu-Gi-Oh Duel game...>.>...they 15 still play...XD so after that we wait for glenn to come and give him his form then we went to paly LAN.I am soo noob at CS...XD....i keep dying. So after palying for a while they left me alone...T_T....then i play with other people after i finish i go home for a while took another shower played the comp for a while then go out to meet Li Xin.Waited for her for so long and didnt tell she at library.....i could have gone there!!! After we met we waited for Gene to come.

After That we went to walk around East Point before going to play arcade....Li xin beat me at the hitting mole thingy that was computerised.Had to hit the screen but didnt hit hard enough so i lost...XD at least she beat me in one thing...XDAnd at least today was a fun day after sending li xin home with gene, gene and i went to eat hot dog at 1901 hot dog at simei there....XD...after taht we went home!...XD

Sleepy!!!!

2006-11-03T19:14:00.000-08:00

@_@.....im am so sleepy today....couldnt sleep the whole night and couldnt sleep now no matter how tired i am...X_X....lucky theres music or i would have died from boredom. Stayed up the whole night doing nothing but watch TV and talked to my fishes....XD....hmmmm im going insane...someone call the HOSPITAL!!...XD...*yaaaawn*....i think i can go to sleep now...XD

boredom

2006-11-02T03:05:00.000-08:00

weeeee...bored for the whole day...wanted to go out but someone wanted to come but waited for such a long time still not here.
did " lots of things " today...XD....uhmm lets see....played flyff
played battle on...played dragon fable.....played more of dragon fable...talked on MSN....and died of boredom...XD.....yup thats it mostly....XD boredom has turn me insane...or should i more insane....XD.....yeah well not much to blog today...XD...so yeah...signing off...XD

Relieved

2006-10-13T23:16:00.000-07:00

Exams has finished and im happy its over...result can be worried for later.I'm in a happy bored mood today dont know why...bored cause there isnt much to do.happy maybe because holidays is

coming soon.This post ish gonan be short..i dont know what to put.WEll met some new people online great people especially one guy.He seem like a nice guy and all but he ish contantly depress so im trying to change that in him. so cyaz need to go